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Bipolar Disorder and Substance Abuse
I am bipolar and a recovering alcoholic, drug and gambling addict. When I was diagnosed with bipolar illness nearly a year after practicing sobriety from my addictions, I found out first hand the close relationship between substance abuse and my mental illness. I realized after many years of using my favorite drug of choice- alcohol- that I was totally unable to use any good judgement and was probably trying to self medicate myself. Using heavily during a several year manic phase to bring me down from my out of control highs, and using heavily again during debilitating depressions that plagued me during my final years of my drinking career.
For me, I had reached a bad, bad place. My bipolar and my addictions started feeding on each other, creating a crazy cycle of moods and high increases of substances. I had lost all judgement or caring for myself or others. It became evident too, that whereas before my substance abuse made me feel good in the past, it was now contributing to my downfall in a big hurry. It was now a choice of dying or getting help.
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Acceptance
Many bipolar people will continue to use. Trying to admit that there is an abuse problem is an area lots of people dont want to face, especially when things aren't at rock bottom. But it doesnt make too much sense to use intoxicating substances on a brain that is already jacked up in the mood center. And to mix the substances with medication!! This will not help with the therapeutic effects of the meds used to help you. More often than not, the people will find themselves not improving.
Substance abuse and bipolar affect many of us. It is not an easy road to take to battle both of these illnesses. But it is so worth it. When your using no longer does for you what it used to do and you are willing to work harder than you ever have, give sobriety a try. It was the best thing I ever did, and it can be the same for you.~By J.I.
Read more from J.I. in regular newsletters - visit 'Get in Touch' page to find out how.
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Please seek help if you have a substance abuse problem
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What Does the Future Hold?
Hell if I know. Thats what I know for sure.
I can remember over the years at various ages wondering who and where I was going to be in life-what I'd be doing for a job, how much money would I have? will I be married and with kids? will life be better than it is at the moment? and so on and so on.
Then I'd take another swig of beer and a shot of tekillya and get back to my reality. Living in the moment, one day at a time. However, the only problem with this moment by moment living is that hope was non-existent.
So as I was thinking of a topic to write about today I can't help but be amazed how far I have come from not very long ago. I was as far gone as a person can go without dying. I was bankrupt in every sense of the word, physically, emotionally, spiritually, financially. My years of surviving my pain thru alcohol, drugs, gambling, and all the offerings the fast life provides a person with- was coming to a quick and very painful end.
What dreams of the future was I having now? Confusion, fear, terror, horrible anger, depression, thoughts and attempts of death as the only way out this time. How does a person get out of this? This black hole of hopelessness, worthlessness, helplessness?
Somehow for me, in one/one millionth of a window in my mind during those terrible, dark days I was able to make decisions that have forever altered my life. I gave up. I quit fighting to keep the old me. It sounds all simple enough to make this decision. But it was not. It was the most painful thing I ever did. Somehow I perservered thru this mental torture, making small strides toward a healthy life that seemed at times so very far away, yet inside I felt there was a chance. I listened to others who had been where I was. I saw how they felt better, how they understood and emphathized with my pain. I did what I had to do to help me. I took what I learned from others and found out what worked for me and what didn't work. I did and continue to do the things necessary not to become a victim of these illnesses.
I painstakingly keep fighting and refuse to give up.
I still live day to day, moment by moment. But life now has hope.
What does the future hold? I still don't know. What I do know is that no matter how awesome I'm feeling today or how much despair I may be in today.....I won' t know the future. So if I stay in the middle with my thinking, and take my meds and use available resources I can feel relief. Relief that my highs won't be too high causing extreme anxiety or my lows too low causing deep depressions. Its up to me to find a way to change those uncomfortable moments and feel serenity. For I know there is a way out. I believe this and have seen the promises that recovery brings. Using principles of acceptance, willingness, honesty and believing in a power greater than yourself will help all no matter what dilemma stands in your way.
As my fantastic counselor and friend, Frank A.., hammered into me many times, " Thinking about the past and worrying about the future is a waste of time. Stay in the now. You are more powerful than you think. You have the choice. You make the choice." ~johnnymd
~7/15/2001
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